LDS Social Services
I think I'm going to be sick. I just read a bit from the LDS Social Services website, and... wow. The "helpful articles" they provide are especially nauseating. Here's an excerpt from one of them (my comments in red):
When a couple conceives a child outside of marriage, the consequence of that sexual relationship affects many people. These consequences can be very difficult and, in many cases, become a lifelong impairment to happiness and freedom. Yes, and the most difficult consequences come into play when an unwilling woman is persuaded into placing.
I shall never forget the experience of sitting at the side of a hospital bed with a young member of my ward. This young unmarried woman* had just given birth to a baby boy, and she faced some very difficult questions. As her bishop, I had been asked to visit with the family.
Well-meaning but mostly uninformed friends and family members were showering her with conflicting and confusing advice. They used implications of guilt and responsibility to support unwise and impractical solutions to the young woman’s situation. It seemed that each adviser was able to recall specific examples to support his or her advice. Most, it seemed to me, had motives of their own which were not properly focused on the two most important questions: What was best for the baby, and what was best for the young woman? There's that "best for the baby" phrase again....
The young woman wept as she faced the decisions which she must make, and then, as never before, she wanted the advice and assistance of her bishop. She had no desire to seek her own self-interest as she contemplated the magnitude of her problems. Over the next two days, we talked a great deal about these questions, during which time I provided her with as much information as I could. We both knew that in this case, as with everything else, the best information would come from those we sustain as prophets of the Lord. Hmmm.... let's just ignore all the studies by trained scientists and researchers that have been done if they're not LDS then, shall we? Never mind all those studies that say placing a child can cause PTSD, depression, increased chance of another unplanned pregnancy... yeah. Good idea.
On 1 February 1994 the First Presidency wrote a general letter on this very important subject. The letter reads, in part, as follows: “Priesthood and auxiliary leaders are again encouraged to renew their efforts to teach ward and stake members the importance of living chaste and virtuous lives. We note with alarm the continued decline of moral values in society and the resultant number of children being reared by unwed parents. … Every effort should be made in helping those who conceive out of wedlock to establish an eternal family relationship. Scary, just downright scary. When the unwed parents are unable or unwilling to marry, they should be encouraged to place the child for adoption, WHAAAAAAAAT???????????? So let's compound the situation by rushing into a marriage, huh? GREAT idea. Now what, I wonder, do they suggest should happen to the child when these two people who were never planning on marrying find themselves divorced within five years? preferably through LDS Social Services shameless plug....at least now we know the TRUE reason for this article--it's an advertisement for LDS . … Unwed parents who do not marry should not be counseled to keep the infant as a condition of repentance or out of an obligation to care for one’s own.Ok... does this hold true for adoption then, too? Unwed parents should not be counseled to place the child as a condition of repentance or out of an obligation to be "selfless"... right? … When deciding to place the baby for adoption, the best interests of the child should be the paramount consideration.” Again, one final ARRRRRRGGGGGG. Sooooo, shouldn't all married couples also ask themselves, upon finding they are pregnant, whether they are the "best" family for their child? I mean, hey, if Mr. and Mrs. X get pregnant, and Mr. X's eyes tend to wander and Mrs. X is a bit of a gossip, then maybe they ought to give their baby to a married couple who do NOT have those propensities, eh?
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I swear to God, if people really do not think there is pressure and coercion to place in this current system, they are blind.
When a couple conceives a child outside of marriage, the consequence of that sexual relationship affects many people. These consequences can be very difficult and, in many cases, become a lifelong impairment to happiness and freedom. Yes, and the most difficult consequences come into play when an unwilling woman is persuaded into placing.
I shall never forget the experience of sitting at the side of a hospital bed with a young member of my ward. This young unmarried woman* had just given birth to a baby boy, and she faced some very difficult questions. As her bishop, I had been asked to visit with the family.
Well-meaning but mostly uninformed friends and family members were showering her with conflicting and confusing advice. They used implications of guilt and responsibility to support unwise and impractical solutions to the young woman’s situation. It seemed that each adviser was able to recall specific examples to support his or her advice. Most, it seemed to me, had motives of their own which were not properly focused on the two most important questions: What was best for the baby, and what was best for the young woman? There's that "best for the baby" phrase again....
The young woman wept as she faced the decisions which she must make, and then, as never before, she wanted the advice and assistance of her bishop. She had no desire to seek her own self-interest as she contemplated the magnitude of her problems. Over the next two days, we talked a great deal about these questions, during which time I provided her with as much information as I could. We both knew that in this case, as with everything else, the best information would come from those we sustain as prophets of the Lord. Hmmm.... let's just ignore all the studies by trained scientists and researchers that have been done if they're not LDS then, shall we? Never mind all those studies that say placing a child can cause PTSD, depression, increased chance of another unplanned pregnancy... yeah. Good idea.
On 1 February 1994 the First Presidency wrote a general letter on this very important subject. The letter reads, in part, as follows: “Priesthood and auxiliary leaders are again encouraged to renew their efforts to teach ward and stake members the importance of living chaste and virtuous lives. We note with alarm the continued decline of moral values in society and the resultant number of children being reared by unwed parents. … Every effort should be made in helping those who conceive out of wedlock to establish an eternal family relationship. Scary, just downright scary. When the unwed parents are unable or unwilling to marry, they should be encouraged to place the child for adoption, WHAAAAAAAAT???????????? So let's compound the situation by rushing into a marriage, huh? GREAT idea. Now what, I wonder, do they suggest should happen to the child when these two people who were never planning on marrying find themselves divorced within five years? preferably through LDS Social Services shameless plug....at least now we know the TRUE reason for this article--it's an advertisement for LDS . … Unwed parents who do not marry should not be counseled to keep the infant as a condition of repentance or out of an obligation to care for one’s own.Ok... does this hold true for adoption then, too? Unwed parents should not be counseled to place the child as a condition of repentance or out of an obligation to be "selfless"... right? … When deciding to place the baby for adoption, the best interests of the child should be the paramount consideration.” Again, one final ARRRRRRGGGGGG. Sooooo, shouldn't all married couples also ask themselves, upon finding they are pregnant, whether they are the "best" family for their child? I mean, hey, if Mr. and Mrs. X get pregnant, and Mr. X's eyes tend to wander and Mrs. X is a bit of a gossip, then maybe they ought to give their baby to a married couple who do NOT have those propensities, eh?
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I swear to God, if people really do not think there is pressure and coercion to place in this current system, they are blind.
posted by N at 4:59 PM
6 Comments:
I was wondering if you would be willing to sight those studies. I am interested in research.
As an unmarried LDS single mother, I can see where you are coming from with many of your comments, however, I am not sure if you understand exactly where the people you attack are coming from. I do not know your background and why you attack the LDS church, but things aren't always as generalized as you seem to cite. I was unmarried and pregnant and was supported and guided by my bishop to make the decision I felt was the best with for my daugher and I. I never regret my choice at all. And I have never felt so much support from the church in my life.
I am happy that my parents put me up for adoption when I was an infant. I feel that my birth parents did what was best for me and them. I have been raised in a very loving LDS home. I feel like people should do a little more research before slamming the LDS religion, it is full of the most kind, loving and giving people I have ever met.
Hello to my two anonymous commenters...
If either of you reads this, please note that this blog is no longer active. I've moved to wordpress.... so most people won't see your comments here. I'll leave this post up for a few days, but then I'll delete just as I did all the others tonight, since they can now all be found on the wordpress blog.
Anyway... you seem to be misunderstanding the post...? I am not perturbed with the LDS religion: I perturbed with LDS SOCIAL SERVICES, the adoption agency affiliated with the LDS church. The "advice" the agency is giving on their website is blatantly biased and full of pressure. Losing a child to adoption is one of the most serious, and heart-breaking, experiences on this earth, and IMO it's absolutely immoral for ANYone to use their religious beliefs to try to pressure a woman to relinquish a child.
Do I think ALL LDS people do this? No. But clearly, the LDS Social Services agency does.
Do I think this kind of pressure happens elsewhere, too? You bet. Sadly, it happens everywhere... in Protestant agencies, Catholic agenciees, non-denominational agencies, secular agencies... it's all over the adoption world.
Hi,
I am a birthmom who placed through LDS Social Services and I will never regret the decision I made to give my son, Matthew, up! He is in the most loving family he could ever be in and the things I could never have provided him with at the time, are provided to him and then some. I think you should not take out your anger at yourself on a program who helps people because you regret the decision you made in your own life.
Kelly
It is clear to me that the original poster has only a myopic and preconceived idea of how a situation like this should be handled.
First, all situations are unique but there are general guidelines. We are the parents of 7 adopted children and appreciate each of their moms for the very difficult decision that they made. My wife and I have been married for 30 years and we feel certain that we have likely provided a better environment for the children to grow in than existed with the unwed parent.
Twenty-one years later we now find ourselves on the other end of the situation. Our oldest daughter, adopted from LDS social services, has become pregnant (21 y.o.). She is quite immature (when and where is the next party). She's prety sure she knows who the father is. Our advice to her as her parents is to place the child for adoption since there is virtually no chance of marrying her presently 'loser' boyfriend. This will provide her child with the same opportunity for a stable environment that she enjoyed.
I'd like to know what the personal experience is of the original poster that makes him guffaw at the counsel my wife and I find so appropriate.
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